So Proud to Call You Mine

It’s a far more beautiful
special, magical, lovely
phenomenal thing
than you realize
Every touch
Every kiss
Every glance
Every moment
Leaves me completely floored
Winded, stunned, amazed
I don’t think I ever told you
That you are my world
And I light up a bit more
Each time you call me your girl

And we’re a tangled mess
Of limbs, blankets, pillows
Passion, love, pure joy
I find myself
Utterly lost
In your eyes, your voice
Your hands in my hair
Breath in my ear
Hand on my shoulder
…everything
…every time

And I freeze-frame
These half seconds in which our worlds collide
It’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen
More perfect than my sweetest dreams

And I tell you this now so we never forget
I have been stronger, brighter, happier
Since the day we fell into each other’s eyes
…I grow to love you more every time you hold my gaze
Kiss my hand or say my name

-Kortney Marie

“Then I thought, there was no god…there was only what you wanted.”
White Oleander (Janet Fitch)
Oh, lady, what have you done?
Selling your skin for coins
Again, you’re on a manhunt
But this forest is full of boys
We miss your smile and your laugh
Your reminiscing about moments past
And we just wish you’d come back
-Kortney Marie

Aside

How Long?

The mattress radiates heat
Sheets cling to the backs of my knees.
I am unsure of where I’ve been,
What I’ve done, who I am.
Another nightmare
Another hazy and bitter dawn.
How long
How long
Until the ties are severed forever?

-Kortney Marie

Foreign

“Do you know how gorgeous you are?”
I told you that you’re sweet
What I meant was that I am still so far
Yet closer to that knowledge than I was yesterday
Or a week ago
Or six months ago
I don’t want to stop the progress I’ve made here
And I thank you for believing in me like you do
For complimenting me in a way so sincere and true

It’s not like me
To fall for someone who cares
A personal Jesus
Who wants to hear my prayers
And it’s not like me
To feel so complete

Happiness is a foreigner
Getting turned around in my mind
In need of directions
Wanting to ask for the time
Happiness hasn’t learned the language or customs
Of its newfound atmosphere
But it gets easier every day
And it’s because you are here

-Kortney Marie

Overzealous

Overzealous
I can see so much right now
But we don’t
Quite know the route ahead
Best to keep a level head
And it’s so hard right now
Might be easier to
Go crazy instead
Overzealous and overwhelmed
Overzealous
Because I can’t help but believe
All these dreams
These goals we hope to achieve

-Kortney Marie

A Promise (June 2012)

This is my promise to myself:

I will never get so wrapped up in loving someone else that I forget to love myself.
I will never get so wrapped up in hating someone else that I forget to be compassionate to the rest of the world.
I will never get so far from my center that I need others to help guide me back.
(Not that my friends haven’t been amazing, just that I ought to have a stronger sense of self.)
I will never doubt myself again, not the way that I have.
…and I will never stop doing the things I love on behalf of someone who is threatened by them or on behalf of the negative half of my consciousness.
All good things stem from faith in oneself, and I’m going to try really hard to stop beating myself down.
There are enough naysayers in the world who do that for me.

-Kortney Marie

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