Ashes (February 22, 2014)

I’m wired and ready to fire; I’ve got so much to say 
Crushed by desire; feelings that get in the way 
And the million times we’ve said goodbye 
Play over like broken records in my mind 

Now that the bridge has been cut loose 
Let’s just burn it 
I’ll even let you strike the first match 
You’ve earned it 
And I’ll shout something over the abyss 
Just to make sure you know it came to this 
And there’s no coming back around 
No rising from the ashes on the ground 

I didn’t have anything nice to say 
But I didn’t bite my tongue 
I let the bile and acid get in the way 
As I stood on the lowest rung 
Of my emotional maturity 
Releasing each of my demons 
From their obscurity 

I’m wired and ready to run; got too much on my plate 
Damned by schedules; every day I’m running late 
The older I am, the worse it gets 
Buried by all these bills and late payments 
So I don’t have time for your childish games 

Now that the bridge has been cut loose 
Let’s just burn it 
I’ll even let you strike the first match 
You’ve earned it 
And I’ll shout something over the abyss 
Just to make sure you know it came to this 
And there’s no coming back around 
No rising from the ashes on the ground 

-Kortney Marie

Vagabond Ways (March 1, 2014)

One eye fixed on the present
One eye on the prize
No sense of direction
As you float across the skies
Unable to focus
On how or where you move
Unstable staccato to your pseudo groove
And your lyrics change language in the same tune
Heart in a panic as you bump against the moon

I’ve had too much
Too much
Too much, I say
Gotta get free of you
You and your vagabond ways
When you aren’t really here
And you haven’t gotten there
You’re so cruel and absent
But you need me to care

It was dark when I read your latest letter
By dawn, I still didn’t have words to make it better
My tongue swells as I choke back a bitter I-told-you-so
It’s something you already know
And in the hours that have come to pass
I can only draw the conclusion
That our sordid past left you with an illusion

We were hardly ever lovers
And we’re not quite friends
You liked to twist my heart
To see how far it would bend
Cruel in your intention
Steady in your abuse
So rude and crass with the words you would use
But when I left, you would plead, beg me to stay
Ego in a panic as you watched me walk away

I’ve had too much
Too much
Too much, I say
Gotta get free of you
You and your vagabond ways
When you aren’t really here
And you haven’t gotten there
You’re so cruel and absent
But you need me to care

Unable to focus
On how or where you move
Unstable staccato to your pseudo groove
Float in circles, float aimlessly to your song
Wander forever, loveless vagabond

 

-Kortney Marie

Breaking the Silence: Random Update

So…my laptop went ka-put and rests on a shelf indefinitely.  I was incredibly upset by it and didn’t have much of an opportunity to write.  I mean, there was always the chance to write by hand, but I typically cannot write as fast as I type, which means my thoughts run about eight-point-three words faster than my hands can go.

The silver lining?  I got a new tablet and keyboard as an early Christmas present.  My boyfriend wants me to write, and he’s ensured that I have the perfect set up to do so.  I think it’s safe to say he loves me.  (=

My next entry will be all about music, namely my favorite releases of the year and the playlist that has carried me through 2013.  I always admire the friends I have who find the time to take on such an endeavor every year, but I have never done it myself.  This has been a very special year for me, and as I merge new traditions with old ones, I want to make sure I start a few that are just for me.  The playlist will be just that.

For the Beast in my Head

I haven’t got the energy, and I haven’t got the time
Horoscope a riddle of the stardust in my mind
But I cannot find a moment to release all of that spark
Or a day to labor over a brand new piece of art
Drowning in a register, at the bottom to chase my tail
Still clinging to the notion that art, she will prevail
The stars tell me to force it, but alas it will not show
The lack of progress slowly swallowing me whole

A short poetic rant to satisfy the rabid beast
That keeps my mind reeling and lays at my feet
Snarling and staring at me on impatient claws
Dissatisfied at even a brief moment’s pause

-Kortney Marie

Anonymous: What’s Wrong With the World Today

(No, I am not talking about the group “Anonymous.” I figure it’s worth clarifying to keep a hit off my blog.)

The internet was intended to help us to reach out to each other, to be able to access information quickly and effectively, to connect the dots between all corners of the globe. Sounds peachy, right? Seems like humanity would leap at the opportunity to hear and love one another no matter where they are, right?

Wrong.

I won’t say that no one uses it for the aforementioned reasons; in fact, many of us do. However, there is a certain amount of anonymity that allows us to be, for lack of better phrasing, complete and utter shitheads to each other with little to no recourse. For whatever reason, people seem to think that if they cannot be identified, they can say what they want, and the worst that happens is they ruin someone’s day—or self esteem, hope, faith, love, perspective, etc, etc, etc. That’s what pains me. We have enough religious, political, anti-religious, sexist, and racist propaganda running rampant in the world today without people using their right to remain anonymous as a weapon. Centuries ago, anonymous writers, and those who assumed a covert pen name, did so to protect their opinion and identity. Women used men’s names to conceal their identities to avoid being judged for their sex and give their writing a fair shot in a market deemed inappropriate for them. People have submitted anonymous texts from essays to stories and poetry to put their views out for the general public without having to worry about who may find out they have this specific belief or thought.

These people were not “trolling” each other.

With everything going mad in society today, that’s the last thing we should be doing to each other. Knowing that your IP address is being logged no matter where you are, that you can be tracked down by any decent hacker or person with a Computer Science degree, shouldn’t you be using your power as an anonymous writer to do more than tear someone else down? Knowing that there are much bigger problems in the world, why on earth would you use that power for anything less than the greater good?

We don’t think about these things because we’re a one-track-minded society. “I’m going to get mine,” we say. “I’m going to get my propaganda out there, sell out to a bigger machine, and hide behind its stature because I have to look out for me, and I don’t care who I take down in the process.” This isn’t even human. It’s primal, it’s instinctive, yes…but whose purpose are you serving when you bash someone for having an opinion or a feeling that you may or may not care about? No one’s. You are serving no purpose and no person by acting in this manner. You are a detriment to society, a detriment to brotherhood, and you are hindering the spread of love and positive energy.

I’m not sure where this generation went to hell in a hand basket, but the fix has a fairly simple start: “If you don’t have anything nice to say; don’t say anything at all.” I’m fairly certain your mother told you that a few times when you were growing up; I know mine did. There’s a big lack of love and respect among people as a whole. It’s unfair, and it’s our fault. The only people who can fix it aren’t sitting in political office; they’re people like me, like you, your best friend, mother, neighbor, etc. We have got to take it back before the naysayers and “trolls” take it from us. They’ve already got a head start; how long will we wait? How much bullying will it take?


Kortney Marie

Ghosts Upstaged

I’m running out of things to say
Things to fill the gap between us
I’m running out of games to play
Devils willing to come out and meet us
A shortage of time
An overload of space
A shortage of patience
An overload of shame

When the second act begins
Some characters don’t cross over
When the second act begins
Some of us have to remain sober
When the lights rearrange
And the ghosts are upstaged
We’ve all got new names
And some of us just can’t stay

We’re running out of things to do
Things to keep us awake and resilient
We’re running out of love to choose
Angels willing to tell us we’re brilliant
A shortage of time
An overload of space
A shortage of patience
An overload of shame

When the second act begins
Some characters don’t live to tell
When the second act begins
Some of us have to curses to dispel
When the lights rearrange
And the ghosts are upstaged
We’ve all got new names
And some of us just can’t stay

A shortage of time
An overload of space
A shortage of patience
An overload of shame
When the lights rearrange
And the ghosts are upstaged
We’ve all got new names
And some of us just can’t stay

-Kortney Marie

Rice Flour, Violet Riot Muffins, and a Casserole!

Hi again!

After I posted my first muffin experiment yesterday, I kept hunting for new ones to try out.  I hadn’t experimented with rice flour yet, and I found a recipe for blueberry muffins that I just had to try!  As usual, I put my own spin on the recipe according to my tastes and what I had on hand.  We’ll cover that in a moment.  First, I want to talk about rice flour.  It worked out a lot better than I expected.  (This is another picture-less post because I’ve been lazy.  I really need to get better about that.)

The thing about oat flour is that it can be tricky to get a finely ground result if you don’t have a grinder or even a food processor to dedicate to it.  When I use my blender, the oats get clumpy and stuck together, or the blender doesn’t generate the “vortex” that creates the movement needed to evenly and finely grind them up.  Rice, for whatever reason, does get the movement needed to get an even and super fine grind.  For those of us making our own flours with a blender, this is a god-send, especially if your blender isn’t very new or powerful.  I’ve read articles and blog posts that instruct you to soak the rice for a few minutes then strain it, blahblahblah.  This is time consuming and can be messy.  So what did I do?  I just put a couple cups of dry, un-soaked rice in my blender, put it on a high setting, and left it to do its thing for ten minutes or so.  The end result was a very fine, powdery substance more closely reminiscent of actual flour than my oats would ever be.  The muffins I made with them were much lighter and fluffier, closer to the “real thing” than my oat muffins.

Violet Riot Muffins (aka Blackberry Rice Muffins)
2 eggs
1 cup milk
4 tablespoons oil  (Vegetable, canola, olive, grape seed, whichever you want or have on hand)
1/2 tablespoon vanilla
4 tablespoons sugar
2 cups rice flour
4 teaspoons baking powder
1 teaspoon cinnamon
6 ounces blackberries, frozen or fresh

Streusel topping:
4 tablespoons sugar
3 teaspoons rice flour
2 teaspoons oil

Mix up your streusel topping first in a small bowl.  Make sure it’s well mixed and crumbly, then set it aside.

Preheat your oven to 425 degrees Fahrenheit and either grease your muffin pan or set it up with baking cups.  (I found adorable baking cups at Michaels for relatively cheap.)  In a medium mixing bowl, combine your dry ingredients (sugar, flour, baking powder, cinnamon), and after you’ve whisked them together, add your berries to the mixture and stir gently.  In a separate bowl, combine your wet ingredients (eggs, milk, oil) and mix well.  Gradually mix in your dry ingredients and berries until mixed well.  Be careful with this step or you’ll bust the berries like I did.  It gave me purple muffins, so if that’s your thing, go ahead and beat the snot out of ’em!  Fill your baking cups 1/2 – 2/3 full, sprinkle your streusel on them, and bake them for 15-20 minutes.  Mine took exactly 19.  Make sure you let the muffins cool for 5-10 minutes before you take them out of the pan.  This should make a dozen large muffins.

The next thing I want to share with you is my “Remixed Broccoli Rice Casserole.”  It’s a labor of love that stemmed from how much I enjoyed broccoli rice casserole at holiday gatherings when I was growing up.  I remember thinking to myself, “I just want to eat this and only this forever,” but broccoli rice casserole is just broccoli, rice, and cheese.  As an adult re-discovering my love of spending time in my kitchen, I decided to put a few things in.  Originally, I followed this recipe to the letter and added some chicken and bacon, but it wasn’t quite the same taste as what I had in my mind so I have tweaked it to suit my tastes.  It’s a big hit around here, and I hope you enjoy it as much as we do.

Remixed Broccoli Rice Casserole
3-4 cups cooked white rice
2 cooked chicken breasts, chopped
8 bacon strips, crumbled into bits
1/2 red onion, chopped
10-12 ounces frozen chopped broccoli, thawed
8 tablespoons butter, cubed
1/2 cup heavy cream
1 cup milk
3/4 cup chicken broth or stock
1/2 pound processed cheese (like Velveeta), cubed
3 cups shredded cheddar cheese
3 teaspoons garlic powder
1/2 teaspoon cayenne
2 teaspoons onion powder
2 teaspoons black pepper
Salt to taste

Cook up your bacon and chicken however you choose.  (If you need a marinade idea, check out the marinade in this post.)  Cut them up however you like and set them aside.  Set aside 1 cup of cheddar to top the casserole.  Preheat your oven to 425 degrees Fahrenheit and lightly grease a 13″-x-9″ casserole dish.  In a large pot, melt the butter over low heat.  When it’s melted, add in your milk and cream; stir well.  Add your cheeses, and melt them thoroughly, then add the broccoli, chicken, bacon, and seasonings.  Stir it all very well and let it sit for 2-3 minutes before you add the rice.  Make sure the rice is fully coated and incorporated then pour the mixture into your casserole dish and sprinkle 1 cup of cheddar cheese over it.  Put it in the oven for 20-25 minutes or until the edges are a crispy golden brown.  Cool for about an hour before serving if you can wait that long.  

I believe these will be the last recipes I post for a bit.  I have some writing to share with you over the next week, and I am thrilled about the new Nine Inch Nails album as well.  (=


Kortney Marie

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